I am past friendship....

I believe that every single one of us is a performer, i am not talking about swaying of hips or belting the really high notes, i am referring to how we 'play up' for the next person in order not to come across as 'too this' or 'too that'.

We make expensive hairstyles, buy expensive phones, apply our makeup, wear huge chunky jewellers, drive the flashy cars, rock the pimped out job, talk about husbands, wives, kids, new plans, new projects.... we perform all the live long day, 'its all good in my hood' we say in so many different ways.

I mean who cares for weakness, vulnerability, confusion, loss, failure, heartache, debt, fears, panic...?  So we perform and go back to our 'dressing rooms' and cry, scream or in most extreme cases commit suicide.

Why do we feel pressure to perform? is it the way the world is built? or is it the way we as humans are built? or is it a combination of both. Everyone seems to want to be seen as living the dream, no one wants to be struggling or be tagged as struggling so all things that can indicate that are securely buried.

Today i realised something I am past friendship, I mean i have friends casual people i relate with but the friendship that involves candidness and openness i am past it. The only women I can be open to is my mother and my sister, therefore every other female person in my life is just a causal aquaintance , and that is because I can not bare to perform, I have lived that 'lie' before and it was so suffocating not to be able to scream out to my audience 'I am drowning here!! help!!'

So I keep it simple and I keep it moving. To those who are still performing I wish one day you realize you do not have too.

The truth is there are more people who love performers and performing than the 'keeping it real' folk/ alternative, so I guess each to their own really. However I will be keeping it real with those who I can trust to handle that and reciprocate the act.