Hmmm

How did I get here? How did I open this door out of every other door available? How did I become this  person, with this 'type' of 'problems'? How is this the bed i made, I thought I had better sense when choosing sheets? How did I not understand there are always two sides to a coin, how on earth did i make my life decision based on one part.

I get that most people get to a point where they think what I am thinking, and feel exactly the same things? how do they make it out, make it through?

Certain choices, decisions I have made that have led me to this point, leave me so bitter and weary. constantly looking through this glass house for salvation! I don't think I want to be just because of them, but what of her?

Hmm.

My happiness can not be hinged on people, but what of the people that suck it out of me any opportunity they get, shouldn't they be done with?

How long am I going to spend in these shoes, are these shoes even mine to begin with? sometimes it feels like i picked the wrong pair, and mine is on its way to me.... and i feel do hurry.

Truth is in spite of how all this feels, i must keep confessing the blessing over my life.

'.... He maketh me lie down in green pastures'

One day I will read this entry, and be glad to be finally wearing my pair.

I know there are no perfect days, I know my beautiful pair of shoes will still have to touch concrete, but i just feel this isn't meant to be my life, this is not the life I want.

Something Serious

I dont claim to know much about world politics or even national politics but with the way things are even a dumb dumb on politics will have an opinion, this is because things have become serious.
The other day i was reading the paper and saw how governors of a particular Nigerian political party 'shunned' a security meeting with the president of Nigeria ( who is from another political party by the way), and even though said opposing party refute claims that they shunned the meeting, rather they say ' they were told meeting had been cancelled', I wonder why with the way things are in Nigeria, people are still able to see reasons to be divided as opposed to be united.

For crying out loud this is a nation in crisis and yet our 'leaders' are busy playing 'politics' when serious matters are on ground!

It amazes me that are so called leaders, can not see past their noses, in this case past their 2015 ambition, their citizens are dying, their states are under severe attack by assailants, these leaders know nothing about (yeah! right). Instead of coming together and putting aside party fractions, and whatever else is an issue and finding a lasting solution, they either do not invite certain people, or ignore the invitation of certain people. it is tottaly absurd.

When will we as a nation wake up, and truly say enough is enough! When will the day come, when our vote, trust and integrity will not be bought?

Where are the Fela's, Ojukwu's etc, those who will stand up and DO, SAY something, regardless of how 'unpopular' that will be . Instead you hear people  either cursing Nigeria, or wanting to check out of the country, or dreaming of getting into government to eat their own 'entitled' share of the national cake.

When most people get together, youths, 'young' adults, they often reveal what their passions are and sadly most times it has nothing to do with creating a movement to fight these corrupt leaders, these people who consider us very daft, and very gullible.

I am deeply troubled by what i am seeing, hearing and experiencing. I ask myself what can i do? where do I start from?

God I am ready.

A witness....

So many things happen in life, and I often feel the need to put pen to paper. A need to ensure I never forget, what i felt, what i feel, the warm fuzzy feeling, the despair, the anger.
Sometimes it is just about documenting my thoughts, especially on those days when i need to mentally sort through emotions and personal perspectives.
I earnestly thank God for the gift of writing, it has been more than a faithful companion. Looking back at journals, I am able to relive experiences again and marvel at the courage, and strength and often naivety of this complex girl now turned woman.
Yes, woman, a wife and mother. Amazing how quickly time flies, one day i was running around in diapers, marvelling at the texture of sand between my tiny feet...
This blog is as archive of some sort, posts may not always be positive, it may not always have direction.  I am done going crazy over the 'how many comments so far', to think once that ruled my life, ha! people do grow.

This blog is actually for me first, Lord lets make it count :)