It is only normal to write a 'post' or an entry about 2014 has it quickly winds down. Just a few days left and it will be a new year.
This year has been a full year, and in alot of ways He's strength became mine and what on a 'normal' I should not be able to do, I faced and went through. So what did I learn/realise this year (good and bad).
Well I realised that I Can do all things through Christ, and yes there were moments when I broke down in tears, felt sorry for myself, and hated my life in that moment but those 'horrible' experiences made me realise that there is an inner strength on the inside, and it could only be God.
This year I started driving, long distance at that. going on the express bridge, driving in the wee hours of the morning in order to make it to work and driving in thick darkness with poor headlights into a very rough part of town. This year I used public transport like it aint no thang (lol) dealing with a horrible (pure understatement) road, waddling through water due to poor drainage and in the pouring rain for that matter, getting one of my leg covered in icky mud so deep I almost lost my sandal in the process, having to beg strangers to 'please hold my hand' because it was so dark I could barely see, and I am not an expert in walking on the edge of gutters or even jumping them.
On so many levels this year was difficult, I watched people around me, people I love being blest and moving forward in ways I was praying for and desiring. I had a revelation of a particular person who is trying to keep me down. I started at a new job with a not so great pay, I was done with live in nanny which meant that I was all over the place, cooking, cleaning, nurturing, so many times I was so sad on the inside, because I felt I was still not doing enough, and I felt I was not getting cooperation and help as I would want.
But I survived all that! 2014 was the year of 'the survivor' even 2013 some minutes ago I reflected where I was mentally and emotionally last year and believe me when I saw it is truly a miracle how certain feelings, perspectives have changed.
2015 I will be 30 and i believe slowly but surely I am coming into my own, I am not so afraid to speak my mind/express myself, and I am certain things that overwhemled me 100% now don't overwhelm me so much. Also this year I want to believe that I listened or at least did more actively listening to God. I wasn't this busy in 2013 and I know one thing I really need to sort out before 2015/in 2015 is good balance, because by faith I will be busier and important things like my relationship with God should not loose priority.
Good things happened this year too, I remember before my daughter's first birthday came around I did not have a job a month too, and I was telling God 'look I do not know how you will do it but I want to celebrate my daughter's birthday and I do not want to be doing this 'managing' thing on that day.' and God answered two weeks to her birthday I started my job, and there was food and drink on that day very plenty.
Also we got to move house, after dealing with the bad roads, no water, no light situation for almost 3 years, after days spent trying to convince him we needed to move, and always being given reasons why we could not move, I took it to prayer and I must confess even I grew weary of making the declaration everyday, it just seemed like it was NEVER going to happen, it seemed like he will NEVER EVER see 'reason'. but alas one day in 2014 he looked at the bad road and all the inconveniences we had been through for years and had enough, plus he was being moved to to another department miles away from home, basically on the other side of town! I remember feeling offended that things had to get this bad before he jumped on board, and that it had to favor him i.e his work related move... and God quickly told me to rejoice regardless because the 'move' was still happening. it felt like a dream when it happened I am so grateful to God.
I still feel in limbo career wise and even ministry wise, I am yet to (in my opinion) find 'myself'? God? perhaps both, I am not in a job I like, one could excuse the pay and just be like o everyday i am learning or be like this is my dream job, but that is not the case here. I thought by now I would know/ be doing that thing I was called to do. This year I had so many 'great ideas' but I did not act on all of them. I pray that come 2015 i will find myself? God's leading? in my career and ministry. It just dawned on me now that my career is my ministry (that is deep, too tired now to explore depth).
I got published this year on a platform that wasn't mine :)
I really tried to pursue getting published, as I came across so many new published authors; I do not know if I tried hard enough; I came close a few times, I guess I am not so hungry, I need hunger. Hunger will drive me to action, to move, to do. So I pray for a sustained hunger in 2015 in Jesus name.
2014 has been a year of growth for me, certain moments I couldn't see God's hand but he proved as always that he can be trusted fully.
Here's to 2015 for more growth, more and sustained hunger, more turning points.
See you on the other side.
